I hope you like sob stories.

I am equally as sad to leave my team at CBS as I am happy to have a comfortable bed, fast wifi, and my dogs in my life again. This summer was one for the books, and this was arguably the best job I’ve ever had, but now I have to leave, and to be honest, I’m conflicted. If I could stay, honestly, I would. I wouldn’t live in an Airbnb, but I would find a place probably in East Bay and commute to CBS via my legs & various other transportation methods. I would find a cute little place that allowed dogs and I would make it all cozy (read as: nerdy) and be content with both my living situation and my job, on the other side of the country, after uprooting my entire life for 2.5 consecutive months. This was definitely one of the best experiences of my life, and it goes without saying that I’m torn between coming home and staying here to work with my team.

With that said, I’m technically not done here. I’ll be working for CBS for likely the next full year, until I graduate, with the intention of possibly coming back after I finish school. A lot could happen in a year, but I’ll be staying on part-time, entirely remotely, from Indiana while I work full-time at another job and go to school part-time – because I’m equally as crazy as I am pretty darn happy to have the opportunity to stay with my team at CBS after my internship ends. It felt… gross? bad? strange? weird? to leave in the middle of a project anyway, and I honestly wouldn’t change a thing. Plus, would I even be myself if I just showed up at a new job, gushed about it for an entire summer, finished 10 weeks in the blink of an eye, then left without a trace? Nope. They can’t get rid of me that easily. I’m like a bad rash.

I could spend the next few days going on and on about the multitude of emotions that are knocking around inside my brain, but you’d probably just refer me to a therapist. But here I am, sitting on my bed, surrounded by suitcases, backpacks, clothes, and a ton of other stuff I have yet to pack up, hunched over my laptop trying to focus all of my energy (I also got like 4 hours of sleep last night, apologies in advance) into writing this final blog. So, with all of that in mind, I’m going to wrap this up as if I were a completely sane person who definitely isn’t an emotional wreck from having to leave a new job that I love so much.

Actually, you know what?

I could write an entire novel and still not be able to accurately convey how sad I am to leave CBS, because at the same time, I have so much stuff that I miss in Indiana.

So lets change the subject.

I’ve done a lot this summer. If we’re not including the work that I’ve done with CBS, I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff this summer. What, you may ask? Well, I basically have a mini Christmas waiting for me at my apartment because every time I had withdrawals from wearing the same clothes all summer I bought something online and had it shipped to my house. Yes, you read that correctly. Do you even want to know how often that happened? No, you don’t. You know why? Because the number is so high it’s pathetic.

I’ve bought so many little things for myself that I’m equally as happy to go open all of my presents from Past Amber as I am to finally be back on a balanced diet. I’ve survived this summer on bagels, mac and cheese, chips, ice cream, Subway (I never want to see/smell a Subway again for the rest of my life) ramen, and watermelon, and man, I gotta say, if you’re going to be a broke grad student in San Francisco, at least don’t be like me take all of the money you could be spending on nutritious meals and instead impulse-spend it on shirts, pants, scarves (it’s SUMMER, Past Me, why did you do this) and tattoos. To note, I even went a step further and sent all of this stuff home, which means I didn’t actually have access to any of it, and so it never satiated my withdrawals, which just kept the cycle going, and going, and going. Way to go, me.

Although, I do have access to one of those things, ironically the most expensive of everything, because it was injected into my spine. Again, Past Amber clearly has her priorities straight. Should I spent $6 on this sandwich? I don’t know, that’s pretty steep. Should I spend hundreds on this thing I can’t even eat? Absolutely.

It might sound like I spent quite a bit of money on myself, but if you know me at all, you know my dogs basically eat better than I do at any time, even when I’m not being incredibly frugal with money. That said, I spent entirely too much money on my dogs this summer. You might think I’m exaggerating, but man, if only. My mom opened her front door to 5 separate Chewy boxes, 2 amazon boxes and a loft-bed this summer. That’s the equivalent of me buying something online almost every week, entirely for my dogs, and having it shipped to her house. The worst part? Chewy boxes are massive. It might sound like I bought 1-2 things at a time, but — actually, you know what, let’s just go with that. I would admit to buying $90 worth of toys within my first 5 days of being in California, but would you even be surprised?

Is there some sort of clinic for this? I need professional help.

On a side note, I start my last year of school, ever, in a week.

I’ll be wrapping up my Master’s degree in May 2019, after which I fully intend on never going back to school. Hooray! But in all seriousness, I’ll be working full-time (and part-time at CBS) for the next year with the intent of paying off all of my private loans before I graduate. Once that’s done, I’m pretty much free, minus the remaining mound of federal student debt that I’ll still have left over, but — this blog just got really depressing.

Let’s talk about dogs again!

So I’ve already decided how I’m going to reunite with my dogs once I get back. I’m excited to see their reactions, especially since my face doesn’t really look the same squished into a 2D shape on FaceTime as it does in person. I gotta admit, I’m excited to actually see everything I’ve bought them with my own two eyeballs. Ironically, I’m sure everything that I bought them looks a ‘lil different than that 2D shape I saw on the internet, but I’ll admit, I wasn’t really able to get that good of a glimpse of everything before I suddenly started frantically throwing my wallet at my phone screen.

There are obviously quite a few actual people that I miss in Indiana, as well, but I’ll get to see everyone within the next day or so, which is incredibly weird to even type. With that said, I’m taking next week to get acclimated back into the hot, humid, corn-infested state that I call “home” before life inevitably crushes me with it’s own two hands the following week. My main plan for the week is to somehow not vomit after eating any meal that involves more than 1 food group, less than 1000mg of sodium, or anything less than a slightly-less-than-lethal dose of potassium. Thanks, watermelon, for building my potassium levels to that of a superhuman.

Enjoy your last set of pictures, see ya tomorrow. (Literally)